Things I wish I could Say Pt. 2

• Your intelligence level astounds me. I din't think it was possible for one singular human being to say so many stupid stupid things. Seriously. It's disgusting how fucking stupid you are. But please, keep talking and contributing to our list.
• You know, we've been through a lot and it seems like our high school relationship light switch is going to be flicked "on" pretty soon. That's cool and all, and you're attractive to me. Cheers to us.
•  Please don't give it up to just some guy. Find love, be happy. Talk to you later when you're more mature. Good luck.
• You. Are. Crazy. and I love you. Don't change.
• You are so rude about almost everything you say. I'm amazed that you still hold the position you do.
• You can be wrong sometimes. And just because you experienced a great loss doesn't excuse your excessive harshness.
• You're attractive and I honestly wish I looked like you. And on top of that, you're personally is great too. I'm happy to be me but man... if I were you...
• You're relativity new in my life but I hope you're not a stranger. I like where things are going. and plus you got a rad name.
• You're really ugly. I usually don't judge on looks but your soul is probably as rotten and gross as your face.
• You are waaaayy too shallow and superficial. I really don't like what you've become but don't worry about that, you'll be changing real soon.

No.

You're wrong. Not just about me, but everything. And let me say this: you know nothing of me. I am who I say I am. I act the why I chose to act. And I love the way.. my heart tells me too. My heart beats when my mind tells it to but my mind beats because my heart asked it to. Being a slave to the fickleness and tenderness of the heart combined with the aggressiveness and ominousness of the mind is a terrible lifestyle. And yet it's a comfortable feeling knowing your future is within yourself. So tonight becomes another Sunday with me fitting myself in an awful alliterative atmosphere. Mild medication followed by modest meditation. Thinking and thinking about me and who and we and why and what. Too many questions, too much stress. I don't want to make it stop but I'd do just about anything to slam on the brakes right about now. It's just rapid fire shock waves of needles penetrating and digging deeper and deeper. It's every brain synopsis for itself. I guess being swamped with questions is my mind's way of coping with a bad situation  I'm still trying to make sense of this but it's hard to know up from down when your left is north. You know?
I'll try to break it down for you. There's this wall. And it's tall. Really tall. Like I can't see over it, I can't hear over it and I can't even feel a presence over it. And it's long. Really long. Like long enough that I'd need to rest for a while if I started walking in one direction for too long. And this wall; this massive wall is falling. Towards me. And I can run and avoid it for now but it's still going to be there. Forever biting at my heels. Forever casting a shadow on me. Forever chasing me down. And while all this is happening, my mind conjures up the brilliant idea to stop running, face the wall, and ask at it.
"Good evening Mr. Wall of impending Doom. I'm just a little curious as to what material you're made of. And also, how long did it take to construct you? Why are you falling? What political party are you affiliated with?"
And low and behold! The wall stops! It takes a moment to ponder these queries. 
For those of you who aren't the best at picking up on symbolism, I'm going to break it down for you again. This wall, is representative of any and all situations I encounter. And playing the role of the questions is my coping mechanism. Sure it could be better but you get what you get. 
And now the fun part when I try to make sense of this. For me... this situation parallels how I deal with negative emotions and activities? I ignore the collapsing monument by blasting inquires like there's no tomorrow. Is this healthy? Probably not. Is it easy? Not as much as you'd think. Is it tedious? You betcha. But I continue finding questions to stall the storm. My refusal of the truth is so extreme that even when I run out of questions and that wall tremors and tumbles I stand my ground and toss all forms of punctuation until
                                                      !?!?!??,??!!!?!?!,,,?!??!?!?!??!?!!?!?
!?!?!??,??!!,!,,?!?!?!?,,?!?,!?!??!,?!!?!?!?!?!??,,??!!!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!????!,!!?!?!?!??!?!,,?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?,,,?,,,??!!!,?,!?!?!??!,?!?!,??!?,!!?!?!?!?,,!,??!!!?!?!?!??,,!?!?!?,?!?!!?!?,?!?!?,???!!!,,?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!????!!!?!?!?!??,,!?!?!??!?!!?,,!?!?!?!????!!!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!????!!!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!



 .period. 




i run out of lies to believe
the truth hits and im shattered
i start feeling that burning
                                 pulsating
                                         throbbing
Sickness

it starts in my stomach and spreads throughout
like a cancer

This is when I feel I'm at my lowest. This is how I felt yesterday. This is not depression. This is simply my mind at it's finest. Ladies and gentleman, a round of applesauce for the artist, the creator, the master. He's always there to keep me on my toes. Have me always thinking. Thinking. Maybe some more thinking. I guess what I'm trying to say is no I am not perfect. Yes my thought process is flawed. No I'm not sure I did the right thing. Yes I did mean to say applesauce up there. Living with a mind with a heart with a mind of it's own is tough and if you understand that last bit back there, congratulations! You have it just as bad as I do. Goodluck. 

Full Time Trend Setter

For a while, I've just been going with the flow. And don't get me wrong; it's not that bad. It's just not the life I envisioned for myself. I want to be someone special, someone looked up to, someone pined after. Actually, I just want to be known. 
It's not exactly studying, but I've first hand witnessed zeroes becoming heroes. For example, I a dire hard fan of both Epic Rap Battles of History and Epic Meal time while they were both relatively premature. I witnessed both parties gain followers, gain experience and gain... (for lack of a better word) coolness. When those people are hard at work making my mind explode, I'm hardly doing anything "cool". Sure I do little things that make me feel cool but nothing like putting a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig or pitting Abraham Lincoln and Chuck Norris against each other. I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to be cool. Now I just need that golden idea and I pinch of drive. Wish me luck.

The College Life

As I sit in this crowded cafe at Brandeis University, I can't help but feeling overwhelmed. It's not so much the mass of people or the blaring music, but the idea that this is college and I'm only one year away from this amazing experience. Just a handful of months separate me and these productive members of society. My whole life, I've been comfortable and prepared for the next year of school but this is the end. The final step. Nothing but mystery lies before me and to be honest, I'm scared. I don't even know how to do laundry and society expects me to grow up in the next year. It astounds me how I'm supposed to turn in the comfort of the home nest for a pair of big boy wings and not even a gust of wind to aid me. Check that. I do have a light breeze and an excellent flight instructor to point me in the right direction. I don't know if you're reading this or if you ever will but I'd like to thank you for the opportunity of dipping my toes in the roaring riptide that is college and providing me with essential advise and encouragement every step of the way. You're the best big sister ever. 

Being Strong

If I've learned anything in my near 18 years on planet earth, it's the fact that you cannot make any progress in life, whether it be spiritual or physical, without strength. Now as the title suggests, I not just talking about the strength that the professional bodybuilders muster up on a daily basis, or even the type of strength a New Age spiritual gentleman rants about. The point of this blog post is just to inform you that I came to the realization that all of life's actions require strength. 
"But, Rory! What could you possibly mean by 'strength'??" No need to fret, clearly concerned reader. In due time...Just to make sure you fully grasp this concept, I'll give a real life example and point out the execution and/or applications of strength. So the other day, I met a girl. And I liked this girl. So I felt really comfortable being myself around her. For the life of me, I can't imagine how or why I opened up to this particular stranger but, I did... so that's that. Anyway, we continued the ritual of vocal exchange that some scholars would refer to as "talking", and we never ran out of things to say. There was only one slight problem... I'm a little crazy. So in my mind, I was Mr. Ricco Suave, coming up with smooth things to say, but in reality, I was probably more like Charlie Sheen ranting after a weekend getaway to Columbia. Nevertheless, I showed my true colors that night. Never mind, I take that back. Not only did I show my true colors, I whipped out the 96 Crayola big box with the built in sharpener and read her each color with a very painful (but very accurate) Jackie Chan impression. 
Now that actually might be a little bit of an exaggeration but you get the point. Surprisingly enough, she welcomed the weird with open arms and we made the mutual agreement to further our conversation at a later date and communicate via cellular devices. This... this is when I lost a little control. I'm not sure exactly how I worded it but I think I... might have... confessed my love to her... and she... well let's just say we don't talk anymore. But all that humiliation wasn't wasted! I learned from this experience and collected more information on strength. Did you see it? Well just to be sure you got it, I'll point out the strength in my story. Upon meeting her for the first time, I didn't hold back and came on a little strong. Later in our 'relationship', I felt strongly about her and wasn't shy about letting her know. These applications of strength are what I believe guide our life. And as long as you act strongly on strong feelings (and stay strong after heartbreaking events) you'll live without thinking "what if?", you'll be able to better understand who you are as an individual and, most importantly, you begin to see who you really are. So my advice to you would be this: Be strong. Keeping strength stuck inside you leaves you lacking. True outward strength is the source of happiness. So go be happy, and don't let anything keep you from putting a smile on your face. 

Boy's State Swag

As I sit here and type, I'm in the computer lab at Rivier University participating in a week long, mock government program. Just five minutes ago, I completed an article for the newspaper and it essentially sums up my stay so far.

"Welcome to CLASS

By Rory Early

Here at Boy’s State, we have the tradition of creatively organizing towns and designating names to them. After strenuous debates and a few heated discussions, we arrived at the name CLASS for our town. CLASS, of course and acronym, stands for Community for the Liberation of Awesome Swaggy Swag. The name was quickly accepted and loved by all, especially our junior councilor, Sir Tyler the Vanquisher, who majors in Swag-ology.

At the beginning, we were told that Boy’s State would change us for the better and I can see it happening. Some people might find it hard to believe that our little rag-tag group of individuals could come together so quickly, but even before my eyes, we’re transforming from roommates to a family. Groups of friends are collectively expanding their personal insights and opening their arms to welcome more and more recruits. I personally find it amazing that even though we’ve only been residents of Boy’s State for a mere 24 hours, we have started forming bonds that cannot and will not be severed. CLASS is now a new little family and I consider these 16 strangers to be my brothers. Boy’s State is not only a mock government program; it is a way of life, an exciting adventure, or a fresh new chapter in our ever changing Book of Life. This encouraging frontier will set the pace for our future endeavors. So welcome to Boy’s State, or rather, welcome to CLASS."

Inspiration

I realize that my post are extremely sporadic and unpredictable but that's because I write when I'm inspired. And for me, inspiration strikes as rapidly as lightning and that spark comes and goes just as fast. It could come from literately anything at any time. It could be a picture I see or a joke I hear or, in this case, it was a far from average cheerleader at Relay for Life.
She is by far one of the most amazing people I have ever met. In a few short moments, we were fast friends. We cracked jokes left and right, poked fun at every passerby and just shot the shit. It was great! and the best part was she is just as weird as I am. I'm not entirely sure how to describe her to be honest and this is the first time I've actually been at a loss for words. 
I just thought it'd be nice to milk this inspirational cow while it was still fruitful. 


Moo, bro. Moo.