Full Time Trend Setter

For a while, I've just been going with the flow. And don't get me wrong; it's not that bad. It's just not the life I envisioned for myself. I want to be someone special, someone looked up to, someone pined after. Actually, I just want to be known. 
It's not exactly studying, but I've first hand witnessed zeroes becoming heroes. For example, I a dire hard fan of both Epic Rap Battles of History and Epic Meal time while they were both relatively premature. I witnessed both parties gain followers, gain experience and gain... (for lack of a better word) coolness. When those people are hard at work making my mind explode, I'm hardly doing anything "cool". Sure I do little things that make me feel cool but nothing like putting a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig or pitting Abraham Lincoln and Chuck Norris against each other. I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to be cool. Now I just need that golden idea and I pinch of drive. Wish me luck.

The College Life

As I sit in this crowded cafe at Brandeis University, I can't help but feeling overwhelmed. It's not so much the mass of people or the blaring music, but the idea that this is college and I'm only one year away from this amazing experience. Just a handful of months separate me and these productive members of society. My whole life, I've been comfortable and prepared for the next year of school but this is the end. The final step. Nothing but mystery lies before me and to be honest, I'm scared. I don't even know how to do laundry and society expects me to grow up in the next year. It astounds me how I'm supposed to turn in the comfort of the home nest for a pair of big boy wings and not even a gust of wind to aid me. Check that. I do have a light breeze and an excellent flight instructor to point me in the right direction. I don't know if you're reading this or if you ever will but I'd like to thank you for the opportunity of dipping my toes in the roaring riptide that is college and providing me with essential advise and encouragement every step of the way. You're the best big sister ever. 

Being Strong

If I've learned anything in my near 18 years on planet earth, it's the fact that you cannot make any progress in life, whether it be spiritual or physical, without strength. Now as the title suggests, I not just talking about the strength that the professional bodybuilders muster up on a daily basis, or even the type of strength a New Age spiritual gentleman rants about. The point of this blog post is just to inform you that I came to the realization that all of life's actions require strength. 
"But, Rory! What could you possibly mean by 'strength'??" No need to fret, clearly concerned reader. In due time...Just to make sure you fully grasp this concept, I'll give a real life example and point out the execution and/or applications of strength. So the other day, I met a girl. And I liked this girl. So I felt really comfortable being myself around her. For the life of me, I can't imagine how or why I opened up to this particular stranger but, I did... so that's that. Anyway, we continued the ritual of vocal exchange that some scholars would refer to as "talking", and we never ran out of things to say. There was only one slight problem... I'm a little crazy. So in my mind, I was Mr. Ricco Suave, coming up with smooth things to say, but in reality, I was probably more like Charlie Sheen ranting after a weekend getaway to Columbia. Nevertheless, I showed my true colors that night. Never mind, I take that back. Not only did I show my true colors, I whipped out the 96 Crayola big box with the built in sharpener and read her each color with a very painful (but very accurate) Jackie Chan impression. 
Now that actually might be a little bit of an exaggeration but you get the point. Surprisingly enough, she welcomed the weird with open arms and we made the mutual agreement to further our conversation at a later date and communicate via cellular devices. This... this is when I lost a little control. I'm not sure exactly how I worded it but I think I... might have... confessed my love to her... and she... well let's just say we don't talk anymore. But all that humiliation wasn't wasted! I learned from this experience and collected more information on strength. Did you see it? Well just to be sure you got it, I'll point out the strength in my story. Upon meeting her for the first time, I didn't hold back and came on a little strong. Later in our 'relationship', I felt strongly about her and wasn't shy about letting her know. These applications of strength are what I believe guide our life. And as long as you act strongly on strong feelings (and stay strong after heartbreaking events) you'll live without thinking "what if?", you'll be able to better understand who you are as an individual and, most importantly, you begin to see who you really are. So my advice to you would be this: Be strong. Keeping strength stuck inside you leaves you lacking. True outward strength is the source of happiness. So go be happy, and don't let anything keep you from putting a smile on your face. 

Boy's State Swag

As I sit here and type, I'm in the computer lab at Rivier University participating in a week long, mock government program. Just five minutes ago, I completed an article for the newspaper and it essentially sums up my stay so far.

"Welcome to CLASS

By Rory Early

Here at Boy’s State, we have the tradition of creatively organizing towns and designating names to them. After strenuous debates and a few heated discussions, we arrived at the name CLASS for our town. CLASS, of course and acronym, stands for Community for the Liberation of Awesome Swaggy Swag. The name was quickly accepted and loved by all, especially our junior councilor, Sir Tyler the Vanquisher, who majors in Swag-ology.

At the beginning, we were told that Boy’s State would change us for the better and I can see it happening. Some people might find it hard to believe that our little rag-tag group of individuals could come together so quickly, but even before my eyes, we’re transforming from roommates to a family. Groups of friends are collectively expanding their personal insights and opening their arms to welcome more and more recruits. I personally find it amazing that even though we’ve only been residents of Boy’s State for a mere 24 hours, we have started forming bonds that cannot and will not be severed. CLASS is now a new little family and I consider these 16 strangers to be my brothers. Boy’s State is not only a mock government program; it is a way of life, an exciting adventure, or a fresh new chapter in our ever changing Book of Life. This encouraging frontier will set the pace for our future endeavors. So welcome to Boy’s State, or rather, welcome to CLASS."

Inspiration

I realize that my post are extremely sporadic and unpredictable but that's because I write when I'm inspired. And for me, inspiration strikes as rapidly as lightning and that spark comes and goes just as fast. It could come from literately anything at any time. It could be a picture I see or a joke I hear or, in this case, it was a far from average cheerleader at Relay for Life.
She is by far one of the most amazing people I have ever met. In a few short moments, we were fast friends. We cracked jokes left and right, poked fun at every passerby and just shot the shit. It was great! and the best part was she is just as weird as I am. I'm not entirely sure how to describe her to be honest and this is the first time I've actually been at a loss for words. 
I just thought it'd be nice to milk this inspirational cow while it was still fruitful. 


Moo, bro. Moo.

Things I Wish I Could Say: Part. 1

No filter, just bullets.

• I wish you would get over yourself. Sure you used to be all I thought of but I hate what you've become and everything you stand for.
• You're a fat sack of shit and will never amount to anything in life. If someone offers to assist you, you get off your fucking high horse and eat a piece of humble pie. You should try to eat that rather then the mounds of grease and fat you swallow down on a daily basis.
• I'm not stupid. I'm not dumb. Sure I'm immature at times but I do it for fun. ps. you have really pretty hair.
• You remind me of the teacher in Jimmy Neutron.
• I love you and I'm sure I always will. With that being said, please kindly go fuck yourself. 
• You need to ask for more help. I'm sure you have the drive to do it yourself but I want to see you happy and you need help with that. So please, just let me help you in anyway you need. And please let yourself look pretty, you're a really good looking girl but no one can tell under that hoodie. 
• Why can't I ever be right with you? Apparently, everything I say needs to get shot down from your self righteousness attitude and your smug "life lessons". I realize you're smart and wise and everything but please let me be right for once.
• I thank you for teaching me important life lessons and getting on my back to get work done. Love ya, mean it!
• You are my rock. My anchor. My north star. My metaphorical red-nosed reindeer. You give me insight and endless amounts of wisdom. And you gave me clothes today, that was pretty cool of you.
• You cry too much. Life isn't going to give you what you want when you reach a certain age. But it doesn't matter because you're like 4 and you don't give a shit about anyone but yourself.
• You've gained a few pounds but you're still pretty. People don't agree with me but they can go die. I wish you would blow me. 
• I wish I could stop lying to you but you like my tall tales and they seem to make you happy. I think of my lying as a kind of "Santa Clause" type lie but that's my opinion. 

Rory mad. Rory smash.

It may just be the stress of finals around the corner. It could be the stupidity of others. It very well may just be hormones! But whatever the cause, the point is I've been mad. Mad with myself, mad with school, mad with girls, just overall mad at the world. Being mad isn't what's bugging me though... I'm discomforted with the fact that I think it's good that I'm mad.
For about 3 years, I'm been preaching "Peace, Love and Happiness" and practicing it religiously; but I've never taken a big step back and actually felt an aggressive, intense, hostile feeling towards everyone and everything like this before. I mean, I've had this irritable "itch" of anger but never fell to the temptation of scratching it. For the duration of those three serene years, I've kept my cool (excluding sporting events) and collected my thoughts before making a poor decision. But lately, I feel the need to break things... For example, just a few days ago, my younger brother was mouthing back to my father and all I could think about was punching him in the mouth. That's just an example of the type of barbaric, destructive thoughts that not only race through my mind, but break mach 5 speeds and shatter panes of glass. 
I'm getting mad over things I shouldn't get mad about. Like a friend of the opposite sex liking some kid, a bone-headed soccer player making a snide remarks, or a chemistry problem I KNOW the answer to. I toss around inanimate objects as if they were the catalyst of my feelings and punch almost anything I can get my hands on. I have cuts and scars peppered along my right hand to prove it. 
On the other hand, I'm getting mad over things any average teenage boy my age would be frustrated with. Just off the top of my head, I can think of a few things that piss me off: getting dumped would sit at the top of that list. Shortly following that would be my drive (or lack thereof) to do well in school. Those issues are tailed by little things like "not having my licence yet", "not getting a job" or "lack of a girlfriend" but those first two are really grinding my gears.
I know we weren't exactly dating but I feel like it was a relationship. Actually, as I type this, I'm a little embarrassed that I'm still harping on the subject. She's moved on so I should follow suit. But I digress, anyone would feel at least peeved from getting dumped if they really felt strongly for the other person. And if you're someone who doesn't mind getting dumped, please, share your feelings. I'm interested to hear your burning passion for ending relationships via cardiac mutilation.  
I really can't do anything about that particular "itch" so for now, I'm just going to have to scratch the hell out of it. However, I can and will do something about my productivity in school. I will start projects before the eve of the presentation. I will throw "study parties" by myself and "get jiggy" with flashcards. And lastly, I will   strive for nothing but excellence in every aspect of the remainder of my high school career. For action there is a reaction. With that being said, every time I fall to the temptation of doing the homework minutes before the class, I draw nearer to that McDonalds name tag being glued to my chest for the entirety of my life with no one to blame but myself. And although I know the appropriate time for action isn't now, but 3 years ago, I know that the sooner I come to the striking realization of the importance of high school, the sooner I can enter the world as a mature adult. 
But what do I know? I'm just a kid with a keyboard and a head full of ideas. 

Guess Who's Back?

Wow, I take a 2 month leave of absence from blogging and so much has happened! I learned to love again, unfortunately, it was with the wrong person. It seems like that's a good place to start soo... This was the shortest "relationship" I've every had, however, I think I've learned more about myself and sharing love in the few weeks we were together than in my short 17 years of existence on this planet. She taught me what it means to open your heart and love to your heart's content. She taught me to share my feeling and connect with another on an emotional level. And lastly, she taught me what happiness is and how important it is for everyone to feel as happy as they can. Our short lived relationship ended over a surprise text and at first I didn't know how to handle it. 
"Im tired. Im tired of us fighting. im tired of you always making me feel bad and honestly you make me feel uncomfortable. Your too touchy. Im sorry to be blunt but thats how i have to do it" 
Of course at first I was devastated, distraught and dumbfounded. There's not enough time in the universe for my to even try to begin to understand how she must have felt and maybe how she still feels about everything. After several days of thought, I came to the conclusion that she wasn't happy. And if she wasn't happy, I was fine with her ending things. I just wish she would have vocalized her problems sooner. But there isn't much I can do about that now except learn from the past and apply it to my future relationships. 
Oh gosh, that feels good to get out! 
What else was new...? Oh yeah! Prom was last Saturday! I danced my ass off and had a great time but of course you know prom isn't a big deal because of the dancing; it's the after party. But that's a story for another night :)

Her

Based on my past posts and the title, it'd be fair to assume that this is another maniacal rant about how perfect she is. In all honesty, I don't know what to think about her. Of course I wouldn't be writing about her if she didn't mean that much to me, so again, it's same to assume I love her... or loved... I'm still a little confused about that part. So back to the problem at hand: Her. She comes into my life with the face of an angel, the grace of a swan, the personality of a piece of bread and the biggest head I've yet to find on a person (metaphorically speaking of course). We dated once, back in 7th grade. It was the happiest prepubescent days of my life. I remember every minor detail of those few fleeting days we were together. I remember that time when our hands brushed and my heart exploded in a frenzy of contractions. I remember looking into her eyes and trying to find the courage to talk without tripping over my words out of nervousness. I remember telling her how I really felt about her and how I wanted to feel this way forever. And I remember when she told me things weren't going to work out between us. I'm not keeping count but for all intensive purposes, this would be the first time of many that she broke my heart. 

Fast-forward a couple years to freshman year, the winter semi-formal dance to be exact. At this specific point in time, we were not only on speaking terms, but even friendlier then that. We danced the night away and of course I thoroughly enjoyed every every second of it. As the night went on, our level of emotional intensity rose exponentially. At the pinnacle of  the emotional high I was going through, a slow song came on. To this day, I'm not sure if it was the way I personally felt about her or the way I looked into her eyes but a surge of emotions boiled up inside me and finally bubbled out. Yes, we kissed, but I felt more then her lips on mine, I felt the long lost feeling that could only be found in fairy tales. But like I previously stated, this isn't a secret love letter proclaiming my feelings to a disinterested crowd, this is a filter for my thoughts and a way for me to make sense of our history. Sadly, we didn't further out relationship after the dance and I honestly couldn't tell you why. I'm not keeping something from my audience, I just really can't remember why. All I remember is that night and nothing else. 

Ever since then, I've been kind of an emotional outlet for her. I don't mind it, I actually like talking to her but it hurts when all she has to say to me is how much of an ass her new boyfriend is. I'm not going to lie: every time I helped her get through a tough situation with her boyfriend, I felt like I should plant a seed of doubt and secretly undermine their relationship. I just couldn't ever bring myself to directly cause her pain. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I caused her to be sad for more then a nanosecond. So of course I blindly mended her emotional wounds and wished her 'good luck' with a pseudo-smile and a silent tear. And the worst has yet to come. When the end of our conversation rolls around, she decides to end it with a little gem that kills a little part of me every time. "I love you Ror". Almost every conversation ends with that and almost every time I meekly respond with a half-assed "I love you too". I don't know if she knows or not but when I tell her that I love her, I mean it with every ounce of my being. 

I know I could go on and on about all the times she's wronged me but I'm smarter then that. I know that she can't be to blame for the entire dilemma. I fucked up, big time. I know I could of had something great with her . If I've learned only one thing from this, it's not to take love for granted. I've learned my lesson and I only hope it's not too late for a second chance. I'm sorry.

Down in the Dumps

I've just about had enough of people feeling sad all the time. It's bad enough that you have bad things going on in your life but going around being sad about it all the time isn't going to solve any of your problems. Of course I've been sad here and there, but I prefer to bask in the lighthearted side of life rather than wallow is a pool of self pity. Everything is so much more inviting and beautiful when you look at it with a smile. I often wonder how life would be for me if I weren't a permanent optimist. I wonder how different my outlook on life would be if it was blurred with doubt or misfortune. But then, I remember that being happy is fun, so I'll immediately dismiss all trouble. Now I know this mentality doesn't work for all but it never hurts to try something new like this. I guess all I'm trying to say is being sad sucks, and being happy doesn't. If you don't like being sad, then all that needs to happen is you to stop being sad. It's really that simple. So the next time you're down in the dumps, remember this: smiling is loads more fun then frowning. But you already knew that :)

A Very Punny Argument

I am lame; partially because I enjoy puns and partially because of genetics... The following is a conversation between a friend of mine and me. I'm in the blue, he in the red. Just a heads up, my friend isn't that grammatically correct so I'll type his texts word-for-word just to spite him. But hey, we all make mistakes from time to time. :P
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
I sea you...?
No they just waved..
I lol'd
You sea what i did there?
Yeah... I'm actually in-salted that you would tell such a childish joke...
O dont be such a beach..
Sorry, I'm not trying to be mean on porpoise... 
Do you get that last pun? Shell I explain it for you? 
Shore throw me a line
Oh snap, buoy. It just got reel
Oh dam
Water you doing? Running out of ideas? It seems as though you're up a creek without a paddle... 
Yeah im running low on ideas
I guess I win then!
Yup lets make the conversation water under the bridge
Yeah, let's just go with the flow and let the tides change to a different topic
Whale idk what to change the subject to... How are you?
Ehhh, I've been feeling a little fishy lately, how about you?
Rather crabby if you catch my drift
Maybe a few rounds of COD will cheer you up
Or (a few rounds) with my free willy
Don't you mean your little shrimp...?
More of a white whale..
Sounds like a whale (of a) tale to me...
Dont be a shark..
You're floundering with the flow of your ideas... that last one stank worse than low tide
Sea, you dont have to be a monster about it
Yeah... you're drowning in bad ideas...
Sorry im a wreak treading on thin ice, you know
Quit being a soft-shell crab
Im like a fish outta water what can i say?
You need to reel it in and get your sea legs back
Alright is there any (way) for you to save thisconvo?
I'll write it down in my captain's log... 

Striking Realization

I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this of themselves, but as I look back at my former posts, I realize that: A) I'm a very fickle person and wear my heart on my sleeve and B) every single post so far has sucked! I thought by now I'd figure out how to string up a few words, slap on some adjectives and verbs and call it a proper sentence, but so far, my sentence structure and word usage have been lacking. I'm surprised at my lack of combination of creativity and functionality of my posts. Of course they get the point across and let my hoards of readers know what's on my mind, but I wish I could do it more... eloquently. I know this particular post is spontaneously created and glued together with clever wordplay and odd metaphors, but it seems like that's the best material that will flow out of my mind at 1:43 in the morning. You get what you get and if you don't like it, the door's over there.

This Feeling

Wow! I forgot what it felt like to feel this strongly about someone! I'm not going to say there's a definite future with her but I could really see something working itself out because of what happened tonight. It started out as all my plans do, with a definite outline that ultimately failed and fell apart. But from the ashes and rubble of this shattered plan, came a new, beautiful plan; we just stay home and watch a movie. This operation sounded good to me, I personally would prefer to stay in and "chillax". All three of us curled up on the couch to watch some obscure movie with the most obvious plot line and predictable acting and it was nice, I liked it. It was all well and good but after a few minutes in, it jumped up and got 14 times better! I know it's nothing extreme or drastic but she started laying on me and we kinda... ya know... cuddled. And that's when it happened! I felt what I thought had been lost forever. That feeling in the pit of your stomach that lets you know you have something special and to never let go. Needless to say, I enjoyed every second of it and hope I get more opportunities to feel this way again soon. :)