Constant Intoxication with the Unknown

I like to think. Not heavily on important, stressful topics or light, easy ones; I like to think about anything and everything. Some people get their kicks by talking and others by doing, but like the title suggests, I'm enthralled by knowledge. This overpowering thirst for a complete overview of all things previously unknown frequently causes be to overcautious (some might even say obsessive) about certain aspects of my life. For example, when I meet a new person, I'd prefer it that I know all there is to know about everything (their likes, interests, dreams, etc.) before they even find out my favorite color. As I find out about a new game coming out, I'd like to know specific details that would give me an edge before anyone knows what the game is. When I hear a new song or watch a movie, I go out of my way to find every minute detail about the artist or actors and explore their different fields of work. Now I know that I might be radiating signs of an obsessive, psychopathic person, but of course I'm only human, and everyone displays certain... overbearing or... odd qualities about themselves that makes them who they are, I just feel more comfortable writing these down then others. Now this justification of my obvious insanity isn't just a filler, I want to discuss my observations of others and possible psychological flaws in my peers as well as myself. (For those who don't know me, I swear I'm "normal". Occasionally thinking is something I do on the side, just go with it). 


I have witnessed, firsthand, fear controlling a person's actions. Whether it be fear of what others would think or the fear of consequences, this fear changes people, especially in high school. I know that later in life, my social status in high school won't effect my future job or happiness. I know that the most important thing in high school, is finding opportunities and exploiting them. With that being said, I also know that personally, my social status in high school is a big deal. (Psychological faults- 1, Total amount of sense made- 0). 


From what I've gathered over my few years of observation, I can see that although a certain path would be the best decision for your future, one might stray down another to gain that instant gratification. We as humans have slowly evolved into these creatures that want everything at the fastest speed possible, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. This shows how we as a species have adapted to the knowledge of our past and are prepared to tackle future knowledge. However, the down side is that we want that future knowledge now. I think that we need to slow down, take a deep breath, and let it out. Yes, my remedy for rash decisions is patience and intelligence. You don't have to base your decisions off of fear, you can learn to become the person you want to be simply by thinking. Your guiding light will always be there to help you see where you need to go, you just need to open your eyes. (Involuntary biblical reference? You can check that one off the list). Everyone knows that you can't climb a tree without first going out on a limb, but without intelligence, you might end up falling on your ass. I guess I'm trying to say that this irrational fear can be tamed and relinquished with a dash of precaution and willpower. 

Some Advise for a "stranger"

The one thing I think I can do well is help. I love to help: anyone or anything I can. And my favorite subject of help, surprisingly, is helping girls with guy trouble. I don't know what it is about it but it makes me feel... accomplished and useful like tonight, for example...
"Unfortunately, there's always going to be some guy being an ass. But you already knew that. On top of that, you have to take into consideration the fact the ALL guys are asses. (Again, you already knew that). Sadly, what you didn't know is, No, there isn't a Prince Charming: that one guy that will treat you like a princess and never hurt you. But that's just the hard truth. I'm not saying this to turn you off completely towards guys, I'm just saying this to say it. You NEED to know that with every complement comes another tear. It might not happen as simply as that, but eventually, that happens. Now, then next complicated part about guys is that there are actually guys that love to see you smile or who's heart melts every time you laugh. Actually, every guy has that specific trait but some hide it better then others. You just need to be patient and find that one guy who's balance of stupid quirks and cute qualities fits you. That will be the keeper that you dream about at night and think about all day. But I digress, getting back to your initial question: Yes, in a perfect world with minimal variables, the guy is supposed to like you for you. But right now in this setting under these circumstances, it's all up to chance."
Advise for "smart" girls about "dumb" boys ^

The Inevitable

I say I only blog when I'm inspired but this... this feeling I'm enduring right now is so off putting that I feel compelled to share it. Yes, I'm talking about love. As a "blogger" it was only natural that I eventually decide to bring up this touchy subject.
          Love has all different shapes and parts that make it the complex yet simple concept that many claim to feel. Whether it's on the big screen in that romantic movie that makes your heart melt or in the halls in between classes, love is love and no one can tell you different.

          Now, the reason I've chosen to bring up love is something happened to me fairly recently. I'm not sure what that something is but if I had to guess, I think it's love. I think I've experienced love before and for different people but this time, it's different. I have felt love for her before and she loved me back. For some reason, those past flames of emotions have slowly simmered down and we went our separate ways. But deep in my heart, I can feel the rekindling of those emotions for this special girl. I thought, only for a moment, that she too felt the same thing I felt, but that idea was quickly rolled up and tossed aside.
         Tonight was the night of SHS's Halloween dance and as you know, Halloween is that special time of year when girls feel compelled to dress in a manner that they wouldn't usually. If you really want to know the truth, well it's right here. (ps. Jenna Marbles is a genius! And her wisdom far surpasses that of any other youtuber I've seen so far. Watch out, if you don't know Jenna Marbles, she is known for her wisdom... and her vulgarity) But at this dance, I really really really wanted to dance with this girl and earlier in school, she promised me a dance. So I was dancing, and dancing and dancing and just waiting for a slow song and one never came. And just as I start to draw disappointment, the DJ announces that this final song will be a Don't Stop Believing by Journey. Although it's not a slow song per se, but it would have to do. I started approaching her and with every step my heart pounded harder and harder. I was about 3 steps about when HE came in. I'm not going to blame him for everything but if it weren't for him, I'd be going to sleep with the biggest smile on my face. As the lights came on, I tried my hardest to walk away with a false smile on my face and my pride intact. He had won this round, just like the last, and the one before. But I'm not going to let this minor drawback keep me down. Now I'm even more determined to get her to notice what was right in front of her for the last 3 years.
           I hope this stands as a motivational story and helps you build up the courage to tell that special someone 'I love you' or 'I will always love you'. Even if they don't feel the same way, you get to rest your weary heart and focus your stirred mind and realize that there is someone out there who loves you.

Random Thoughts used to Change Lives

I don't want to say it but I think it's boiled down to the point where I need to let it be known. Now try not to judge me but I like hearing about others' misfourtine. Before you jump to conclusions, I like hearing because it usually helps the troubled soul. Throughout my many years as a listener, I've learned that listening is only half the battle. Will Smith in 'Hitch' says it best. "Listen and respond."
Now, just for my personal amusement, I've gathered some things I've said to anyone who cared to listen to me.

"The only way to make thigs better is to keep on living. No matter the difficulties you face or the demons fight, the only way to win is to prove that you WILL survive, alright?"

"If you have any future problems (which is inevitable), I wish you good luck on them. If they start to get out of control, I'll gladly try my hardest to help you make a smart and well thought out decision. I care about you and hate to see you hurt like this. Please try to feel as happy as you can, even if it only lasts a few seconds. And don't fall asleep mad at the world, you have all day tomorrow to be pissed off."

There's probably a lot more but seeing as it's late and I have a competency to do, I really need to shift my attention. There will be more of these little croutons of wisdom in the future but who knows when? It's really up to my friends and when they really need me :)

I Think So...

I think it's funny how age and memory go hand in hand. The older you get, the more memories you gather. Those memories could be as obscure as what your home phone number was as a child or as life changing as the moment your son or daughter is born. The unfourtinate thing is that as your age increases past a certain point, your mentally and memory start to deteriorate. The reason I'm bringing this up is because I've noticed my parents have a hard time remembering a bunch of things. When I asked my mom to cut my hair, (I tried and failed doing it myself) she said the same thing she said last time. I'm not sure if this is because she's incapable of creating new small-talk material or she's simply getting older and forgetting she says it. My dad is worse, he gets mad over things he never said. This also could be the fact that he slowly approaching his 50's, but as I actually think about it now, it could be my memory starting to fade away... Wait, what was I talking about again?

Some Crazy Bullshit

Is there a time in the near future when I get to be selfish? I try to be helpful and kind and all this other stuff but when will I have someone ask, "Are you okay?" (Not that I'd accept the help, I'm far too proud/stubborn for any type of help) I just want to be able to relax, but at the same time, relaxation is.... boring. I want.. I don't even know what I want. I need some, please, to tell me what I want.


My thoughts are jumping around right now. A little over an hour ago, I was trying to sleep and now I'm counseling a premature couple doomed to failure, texting a girl whom I'd love to be in a relationship with but that'll never work, and skyping my #1 fan. I went from Bored Beyond Belief to Motivational Speaker, Time Traveler and Marriage Counselor in a solid 30 seconds. But that's how I survive. I persuade people to live their lives a certain way then live vicariously through them. Which brings us back to being selfish... I need to get my own life and butt-out of others'. At this point, I'm beyond help and just here for a cheap laugh for some pathetic soul who desperately needs professional help. I guess I'm the calm before the storm, except I just prolong the enviable mental breakdown and make the psychological torture a little worse. It's all done with good intentions though so I guess that makes it acceptable and okay that I keep doing it. But at the same time, I wonder whether or not I'm really making a positive change in someone's life. Just the thought of me helping someone, somewhere, with their little highschool bullshit drama is fuel enough to make me continue. After all, I just want everyone to be happy and smile for once. Is that to much to ask for?

Mental Upchuck

I've had a few things on my mind lately and I thought, "Why not go on a verbal rampage to all of my... 0 readers?"

First off, love is real. (Though I have my doubts about "True Love") But some people don't have the ability to see the difference between love and lust. In our modern day society, sex has become a huge part in our life. Our culture's obsession for sex has spiked in the past 100 years. But I digress, love has been on my mind a lot lately. Different ideas and questions come up when thinking about love like, "Can you love someone you've never met?" or "Is it really 'love at first sight' or 'lust at first sight'"? I'll admit, I think I feel love for this one girl. She far surpasses any beauty I've ever witnessed. Although the status "perfect" is unattainable, she comes pretty close. She's talented, kind and beautiful... but she doesn't know I even exist. I bet you've heard this plot in movies before and that story always has a happy ending. The sad lonely guy does something incredible and impresses the girl. The sad part is, I can do virtually nothing right now to attract her attention. But I feel like If I get the chance to meet her, or just to have her know who I am, we'd make an instant connection. So my advise to you is whatever you strive to be or do, don't you ever dare quit. You can do it, I believe in you :)

Woah, now that's what I call mental upchuck. Just a little 'fun-fact' I only pressed the backspace key to fix spelling errors. That up there is how I think and I'll be sure to release another group of thought fragments and general ideas to my... readers. You stay classy, San Diego.

Option D

This is a test. I'm just testing the waters, slowly preparing for a cannonball launch off the top diving board. If all goes well here, I might continue this new blogging "trend" later. For all I know, this could turn into an online diary of a mentally unstable teenager spewing toxic thoughts and ideas to the sky.

On a whole different subject, I gained a person's trust today. This wasn't the average high school,"I trust you enough to know my locker combination" type of trust, this person completely opened up to me. It started with simple conversation about global economy and philosophy, but exploded into life stories and traumatic events. Story after story poured out, filling my head with new insights. 
When someone vents to me, I usually patiently wait for the right time to input my opinion, but in this case, as soon as the "what if's?" started spewing out, I had to intervene. 
This particular rant went on for about a half hour and I meant every syllable. I told her, you can't sulk in a pool of past misfortune. You can be sad or angry or disappointed only momentarily, but constantly filling your head with negatives will give you a migraine of congested insanity. I see four different options you have at this moment. Option A: You quickly cut me off and continue your onslaught of personal narratives (which she did not choose). Option B: You patiently wait, just as I did, then happily disregard everything I said (she didn't like this one very much). Option C: You quietly and attentively, listening to every single word and proceed to live like a mindless drone, following my advise as though it were orders (this didn't seem very appetizing to her either). Or Option D: ... I could see her think. She went through the options like a checklist.
Option 1. no
Option 2. nope
Option 3. No
Option 4...
And that's when she asked, "What's Option 4?"
The answer was simple and yet extremely complicated like the birthday card from a very senile grandmother or the thought processes of a small child.
I explained that Option 4 is anything you want it to be. It could be a warm sunny day after a week of thunderstorms. On the other hand, it could be a scorching drought, lasting for months. Option 4 is your greatest ally and your worst nightmare. Option 4 is a barrage of sweet, spicy, savory, sour, salty attacking your tongue and paralyzing your senses. Option 4 is Option 4...
She took it better then I thought  and looked as though she understood completely. Oddly enough, she took a deep breath and calmly continued her stories, but with a little more tenacity then before. Frankly, I was surprised that this seemingly happy person had so much hidden beneath a big Cheshire cat grin. I guess that shows that you can't really ever judge a book by its cover (sorry for being cliche).